My Tangled Web

“Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive”

 - Sir Walter Scott

My web of deceit began innocently enough...

I was attending "Stained Glass for Beginners" when during class introductions, I learned that another student worked for the same company as my brother, Vic. 

Vic is a hoot, has never met a stranger and I can't think of anyone who wouldn't just love him, so I asked my new partner-in-crime acquaintance if she knew him. "Oh, my God! Vic is my friend! You're his sister!?"she excitedly responded. Beaming with pride, I smiled broadly as I told her that in fact, I was. 

The wheels began turning. 

 

She seemed like a pleasant enough person and I assumed she would have to have some sort of a sense of humor in order to call Vic "a friend" so as I was passing in front of her with a shard of glass in my hand, I had my "aha moment"...

 

"I've got a great idea!" I said to her, unprovoked. "Let's get Vic". A devious grin fell on her face and I knew she was 'in'. "OK. When you go to work tomorrow, wrap your arm in a bandage. When you see Vic, tell him that "some idiot in kitten heels tripped and cut you during your Stained Glass class. I'll take care of the rest." Giggling like schoolgirls we exchanged contact information.

 

She emailed me the next day saying it was his day off but that she would try again tomorrow.

Later that day, I called him at home and told him about a terrible thing that happened during my first Stained Glass class..."Well, we had just finished cutting our first piece of glass when I turned around and accidentally cut the lady behind me!" His exact response? "You have got to be shitting me!".  I assured him that I looked at the wound and it didn't need stitches but I was wondering if I should get her a card or something. "How about a bouquet of flowers? Shit Joanie, what were you doing cutting glass anyway?" he asked incredulously.

Yes, I am the first one to admit that I am somewhat accident prone. That being said made this little web of lies even more believable.  

 

Hahahahahahahaha.

Vic called me first thing the next morning and told me that a friend of his had been cut "by some lady in a Stained Glass class". "Jesus, Joanie, was that you?" After a detailed description, I admitted that she could have been one and the same adding, "But I don't think there are a whole lot of Stained Glass classes going on out there, so I guess it must have been me." 

 

My co-conspirator emailed me immediately after he approached her with... "I think the idiot who cut you is my sister..." She just couldn't continue the charade, removed her 'bandage' and 'fessed up. 

He took it well.

Stained Glass Dino

So what's up with the dinosaur?

Allison is an administrative assistant for Billings Productions Inc, a company that manufactures dinosaurs for zoos. museums, movies etc.

I guess somebody has to do it and she seems to like her job.

This year, Allison's birthday gift from us was a stained glass dinosaur.

My studio photographer (Mr. Something) documented the process...

It all starts with finding the right picture

...then cutting and grinding glass

...followed by inevitable bloodshed

...then 'foiling', piecing everything together, soldering

Applying a dark 'patina' to the solder

Eventually, a finished product

Admittedly, my stained glass art is far from perfect ...but it originates from my heart. 

Stained Glass

I love stained glass.

I think it may have something to do with being raised Catholic.

I, like so many of my peers were forced to attend weekly Sunday Mass as a child. The kicker was that Mass was delivered in Latin. I didn't speak Latin. I still don't. So, Latin services made for one bored and restless Catholic kid.

Giggling, playing, fighting and/or talking in church was considered a 'sin' and you didn't want be caught 'sinning' by any one of the "Sisters of St. Joseph". My two older brothers told me about how brutal the nuns could be and I took their word for it. My brothers were most definitely 'sinners' and had been known to be on the receiving end of Sister Mary Alexander's corporal punishment at one time or another.

So, I (being a "Good Catholic" girl) would spend my required time in church being mesmerized by the stained glass windows as I sat, kneeled and stood to the rhythm of Latin chants and prayers.

I was about ten years old when the Catholic Church took the giant leap forward and decided that it might be time to start delivering Mass in English when in English-speaking countries. Go figure. Unfortunately, by then my young mind had lost interest in what the church had to say but my soul remained 'hooked ' on stained glass.

About two years ago, I took a Stained Glass class.Here are a few of my 'creations'...