Terry Young 1952-2009

One year ago today my big brother, Terry died. His final gift to us, was letting us ‘in’ on his decision so that we could be with him at the end.

I can’t say we didn’t see it coming. Years of diabetes, kidney failure, dialysis, subsequent infections, a couple of strokes and near blindness was a whole lot more than I could have handled as well as he did. So, when he called to tell me that he had stopped dialysis, we both knew what that would mean. It was painful for all of us to face the certain reality that lay ahead but Terry was brave and made only one request ”to be comfortable” – and he was.

He may have had a heart of gold but he was the first to admit that he was no angel and back in the day, life was ‘all or nothing.’ When he worked, he worked hard. When he played, he played hard. When he loved, he loved hard. Almost all of Terry’s ‘hard’ ways came to a screeching halt with his illnesses. He wasn’t able to work hard anymore and he couldn’t play hard any more but he was able to love as strongly as he always had.

Terry maintained old friendships and cultivated new ones despite the fact that he was alone, ill and sequestered in his apartment, unable to drive. After his 4th marriage ended, (did I mention he loved hard?) he chose to live in Moncton, New Brunswick. “It’s where my doctors are.” he explained when we asked “Why Moncton?” Good reason.

Our sister, Bobbie stepped up and found him an apartment and helped create a plan enlisting our cousins, Karen and Kirk, should he need help. In typical ‘Terry’ fashion, he fell in love with them and their children immediately. Within a few short years, Terry’s friends included the apartment complex staff, his neighbors, his housekeeper, his ‘personal’ cab driver, nurses, doctors and ancillary hospital staff.

We were surprised and happy to see how social he had become and it was comforting to know that if he had not let us ‘in’ on his decision, he would not have been alone.