Spring in Texas

There's nothing like spring in Texas to ignite my creative spark

held dormant throughout this past winter.  

  I'm back.

As Luck Would Have it...

Torrential downpours. Tornado alerts. Lightning. Thunder. Flood warnings. That about sums up your typical Texas rainy-day experience.

My cozy memories of growing up in Canada, spending what seemed as endless grey, rainy days curled up in front of a window with a good book are long gone. Here, I am strongly advised to stay clear of windows and seek immediate shelter as I gawk at hail stones the size of baseballs. It's been like this in Dallas for as long as I can remember. Rainy or sunny. Not much in between. Oh, we will get a little ice on occasion in winter, but it is usually gone by the time the sun comes out. So, when the weather report issued a "Severe Thunderstorm Warning" a couple of weeks ago, I barely raised an eyebrow.

Despite the suggestion of my "retired-firefighter-paramedic-husband-who-is-always-right", not to "drive in this shit", I chose to meet a girlfriend for lunch. Who's afraid of a little rain?

About ten miles from home, my 'inner voice' advised me to exit the highway until the rain died down.

As if.

Within minutes of ignoring my internal warning, my little car spun out of control, crashing into the concrete barrier separating me from the oncoming traffic.

My first thought was ..."I'm alive".
My second thought ..."Not for long".
The 70+ mph traffic was heading straight for me in the pouring rain.

Remembering the advice of  my "retired-firefighter-paramedic-husband-who-is-always-right", not to get out of a disabled vehicle on the highway, I stayed inside and called 911.
 
I consider myself to be very lucky. It could have been so much worse.

From this experience, I assume a healthier respect for my 'inner voice', Mother Nature and for my "retired-firefighter-paramedic-husband-who-is-always-right".

A Rehearsal Dinner

The venue for the Rehearsal Dinner was Angelina's Mexican Ristorante in The Colony, Texas. Purple (aka 'lapis'), lavender and gray were the chosen wedding colors.

                                                    A 'dividing wall' in this large public restaurant room was done                                                        by placing a row of weighted balloons along the floor to create a visual 'barrier'.

Lavender napkins adding a little table height.

Centerpiece wreaths surrounding  rose bowls with two floating 'heart' candles in each.

An absolute necessity...post party-prep cocktails. He the one taking pictures.

The absolutely adorable, Miss Annslee Mae Spotswood

Family: Ya Gotta Love 'Em

There was a time, early in our marriage that Doug would stash airplane-sized mini bottles of rum and/or vodka in anything from potted plants to laundry baskets throughout the house in preparation for a visit from his family. "In the Case of Emergency" he explained.

As if. Give me a break. I had worked in Emergency Departments for years without having to resort to alcohol in order to steady my nerves. I felt confident that I could handle the "in-laws" for a few hours. On their first formal visit, I lasted about 30 minutes. The rum was in the bathroom medicine cabinet.

Today I am introducing a "guest writer"...Daniel lives in New York and is on his way to becoming a Nurse Practioner. He's a warm and wonderful man who was a tech when we met in Baylor's ER several years ago. Recently, Daniel returned to Texas for a family visit and shared his following thoughts....

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Things I Have Learned While In Texas:

1) My father informed me that I must send him money while he is in prison (for committing a felony) because "the Bible" says that you should 'honor thy father and mother.' His interpretation of this was that I am supposed to support him financially while he is prison.

TRANSLATION: That's a crock of S*%$ if I ever heard it. I am supporting you... with my taxes. So, sit in there, learn your lesson, and be happy you have a meal every night unlike most of the world.

2) Never fly Southwest Airlines. Mostly because, whereas their flights are labeled as "direct," this simply means that they will take you directly to your location, AFTER stopping in EVERY MAJOR CITY along the way. Needless to say, you get what you pay for in choosing cheaper flight accommodations.

3) Never take a bunch of hillbillies (my family) to high-scale Japanese hibachi restaurant. Let me just highlight some of the comments made last night: (And remember to think of these with your best southern accent interpretation)

• From my uncle," Do you guys have anything more than 8oz. of steak? I was thinking more like 30oz."


• From my brother, "Why don't you have sweet tea?" Response from the sweet Japanese lady, " Because we have sugar packets."


• From my brother, "Why would anyone drink sake when we have BudlLite?"


• From my cousin, "I don't eat vegetables; I only eat medium RARE beef and starches."


• From my brother after the waitress asked a question, "I didn't understand a word you just said to me...."


• My mother told the hibachi chef that her onions never look like a volcano or say, "choo choo."


• By far the best part of the night, was watching my grandfather's face while I sucked down an entire bottle of sake (with some help from my buddy Sonia) to help me prevent from strangling any of my hillbilly family.


• watching my grandmother take a shot of sake! (Oh, that was the best!)

4) I also learned that my grandfather (one of the smartest members of my family) believes that our president Barack Obama is the Antichrist. That was an interesting conversation. Enough said there.... Needless to say, I admitted to him that the Bible is equivalent to me as Aesop’s Fables and I don't believe that Obama has the capacity to be the Antichrist.

5) My grandfather also firmly believes that he will die in precisely 2 years. This because he asked "the Lord" the let him live 10 more years while on his deathbed from pancreatitis. Sorry gramps.... that's doubtful.

6) My mother likes Puma socks because they feel like "hose."

7) My aunt Donna stays awake until midnight because her husband has severe sleep apnea. He believes that this is "just the way he breathes" and she needs to get over it. ha ha.... that was funny.

8) My grandparents believe that anything sugar free must be good for you! Umm, how about no...

9) You really never know who your true friends are until it comes time to just show up!....

10) My grandmother's cardiologist (whom also had a heart transplant himself.....no joke) believes her heart is "just fine!" Despite her NY Class III Heart Failure diagnosis.

11) My grandfather believes that he is a liberal democrat because he liked Bill Clinton while in office. This despite his hatred for Obama, strong conservative views, anti-gay marriage, anti-everything, and no interest in government sponsored assistance programs of any kind for the underserved populations.... because he came from poor and worked hard for everything he has.... (Me too, but still some people just need a little shove!)

12) Barodontalgia ["tooth squeeze" from changes in atmospheric pressure in airplanes] really happens! Ouchie!!!

13) I am SO GRATEFUL, that I did not acquire the southern accent. It makes you sound "special."

14) Channelview, Texas.... my hometown, has turned into the Mexican slums and I will never be able to return there.... well, legally at least after Mexico claims this land to be their own.....

15) Finally, I have determined that I am leaving Rochester, NY by the end of October next year before the bitter winter begins and the after the beautiful Fall commences. I will most likely be returning to Dallas for a few years until life points me back to the NICE part of Houston.

We will see what life holds.

Those are among other things, that I learned on my short 3 day trip to Texas. -Farewell Mexican slums, its back to Rochester, NY tomorrow, the city with the worst case of "little man syndrome" I have ever seen.

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Bless you Daniel. I guess my in-laws aren't so bad after all.

A 'Southern' Baby Shower

Soon, my friend Lori and her husband Chris will be having their first child - a boy named, Seth. Today, a Baby Shower brunch was hosted in their honour by their dear friends Adrian, Debbie, Jeni and D'Ann. It was lovely . The hostesses were gracious, the guests were plentiful, polite and well-dressed, the food was delicious and the gifts were every bit as beautiful as the mother-to-be.

Lori's Baby Shower was as civilized a southern event as you could ever envision. The only thing missing might have been mint-julep but Texas is really not a 'mint-juleppy' state so that doesn't matter. Suffice it to say that the shower was a very lady-like affair.

As I was sashaying about, mingling with my fruity peach punch in hand, my 'curiosity antenna' veered towards two attractive blonde baby shower guests. While delicately nibbling on their bite-sized quiche, it sounded to me like the conversation concerned firearms...

• Blonde #1 - "I just got my concealed handgun license renewed."
  
• Blonde #2 - "Really? Do you carry a gun?"


• Blonde #1 - "Sure, I have a gun in my purse." "I have for years."


• Blonde #2 - "In Arizona, people don't conceal their weapons."


• Blonde #1 - "Is that right? In Alaska, everybody carries their weapons in full view."


• Blonde #2 - "Hey! Maybe we should get together sometime for target practice!"

I couldn't help myself and butted into the conversation... "Where else but in Texas would you stumble upon a conversation about firearms at a baby shower?" I asked. 'The blondes' enthusiastically responded by inviting me to "come shoot with us sometime!"

"Oh, I wouldn't trust myself. I've seen those 'You Tube' videos of people who wind up shooting themselves in the foot or getting hit in the head and knocking themselves out by the backlash of the gun." I said.

With that, the blondes looked at one another, then looked silently back at me. No one uttered a word but their faces said it all ..."We understand."

Coming to America 11

Blue's Swan Song
Let me begin by saying that "Blue" (my 1979 Ford Pinto) and I were together for four good years. Sure, we had our good days and bad days and there were times that I considered trading him in for a newer model but we were together for the long haul.

It was in the summer of '84 at the height of rush hour traffic and every bit of 100 degrees fahrenheit. I had acclimated to the Dallas heat (as air conditioning was something other people had) and I my perception of merging onto Central Expressway was now a challenge and kind of fun. For several days leading up to Blue's final hours, I could have sworn there was a jet engine flying overhead. In fact, I remember pulling over and looking up on occasion. The roar was actually Blue's Swan Song. The tow-truck driver just shook his head as he gloomily looked at Blue and said, "Lady, cut your losses". I took that to mean that Blue was 'gone'.

Oh, there have been many other cars after Blue went to the great scrapyard out there somewhere...sportier, fancier and faster models , but not one of them earned themselves a name.