Vision Boards

(Originally posted June/2010)

I once saw a segment on Oprah a while back about creating 'Vision Boards'. Have you heard of them? .

In a nutshell, a vision board requires scissors, glue, old magazines, poster board and a little free time. The point of this activity is to create a 'vision' for how you would like to see your life progress. I made mine about a year ago and I've got to tell you - it's weird. 

My 'Vision Board'

So, you might ask..."What is Valerie Bertinelli doing in there?" Well let me tell ya - last year I was 40 lbs heavier than I am today. She was my inspiration. Don't get me wrong, I am a long way from looking like Valerie Bertinelli but a girl has got to have a goal - right?

The woman musing with the caption..."Everyone Has a Story to Tell"? I began my blog within a few months of adding it to my board.

The photo of two young friends with "If you need to lean awhile..."? It was a card received from a friend after the death of my dad. It reminds me of the importance of friends in our lives and a reminder to 'be there' for them.

The screened in porch with the day bed? I would show my 'oasis' to you you, but we have a friend in it today and I don't want to kick her out of the iron day bed that I found in a garage sale last year.

A few things have not yet happened but I'm hoping...

The couple on a beach taking a picture of themselves? That's reserved for when my husband and I retire.

"O"? It doesn't look good for my dream to meet my BFF, Oprah -  but I guess I'm OK with that.

The little dog?  The couple running together? Hmmmm. OK, so my life would not be impacted much if I didn't get the little dog and I am really not one for group exercise anyway...but, I still hold out hope for the stainless appliances

UPDATE: 3/2022

This "Vision Board" post was written 12 (eek) years ago! Here's an update.

For starters, I'm still no Valerie Bertinelli,  but I have kept those 40 lbs off. and I'm calling that 'a win'. 

The couple on the beach? We retired a few years ago and have spent more than our fair share of time on beaches all over the world and recognize we are truly blessed to have the good health and resources to travel. 

"O"? We haven't met yet but my daughter-in-law and I were in the same room with her, once! Just a few rows (well, several rows) away from her when she came to Dallas for Women's Conference circa 2014. Close enough. 

The couple running together? We are all over it. Running? Not so much. Daily exercise has become a non-negotiable aspect of our lives. 

The little dog? Not yet but we get to borrow one on occasion. 

Finally, yes, I got my stainless appliances. All I can say is, "Be careful of what you wish for". Fingerprints and smudges plague my waking hours, every single day.

Free Advice: On Finding Love - Part Four

Every now and then, I reflect on myself as that single woman in her thirties, looking for love. Knowing what I know now, my advice to her would go something like this...

"Hey! Lighten up a little!"

Yes, it's true. When it came to finding love I was a tad too serious. Little did I know that a lot of (normal) guys kinda like lighthearted, fun, self-confident women. Who knew?

Picture this... you spend a decade looking for Mr./Ms. Right. You worry about how you look, what you say, if you eat  too much, if you laugh too loudly or dance like a duck. Mr./Ms. Right doesn't make an appearance. Sounds like you could have had a lot more fun in that decade, don't you think?

When I was about thirty-five, I was going out to meet a girlfriend at a local sports bar. I didn't really want to go. The place was known for hosting a younger crowd and I was feeling particularly old but on  'Oprah' that day, she had a guest who advised... "When you enter into an uncomfortable situation - walk in and smile as if you are a member of the personal welcoming committee". Yeah, right.  Well I thought about it some and decided that I could muster up a 'smirk' if absolutely necessary.

Later that evening, I walked into 'Stan's Blue Note', my head held high, shoulders back, and grinning like a nutcase. Then, out of the blue, a guy approached me and invited me to join he and his friends for a beer while I waited for my girlfriend (who never did show up). Did I meet Mr. Right? No. But I did meet a great group of people, one who continues to be a great friend, today.

So I guess the moral to this story is... while on the hunt for Mr./Ms. Right...have fun.

Free Advice: On Disappointment

As I have eluded to in past posts, (see "Chaos"),  I'm no Oprah. But will that tiny fact stop me from offering free advice? Hell no. So here goes the first of my "Free Advice" columns. A little lengthy, but I had alot to say on the subject of "Disappointment"...

Disappointment. 

We've all been there. And we'll be there again. Some of us have been disappointed in life more than others. So what's up with that? Here's my take on disappointment...

It sucks. It's painful. It gnaws into the pit of your stomach. And if you are smart, it forces you into re-evaluating a friendship, a job, a lifestyle and quite possibly, yourself. 

Relationships

Is a 'friend' or partner sucking you dry? 

Have you felt disappointed by the actions or words of someone you consider a close friend? Are you being bombarded with constant neediness, negativity or anger? Or is it subtler than that? Maybe a nasty comment or put-down on occasion? Does the offender deny that they have done anything wrong? Been there. Bottom line on this is that friends are nice to one another. Anything less is not conducive of friendship. 

As difficult as it may be, it may just be time for a change. I'm not talking about a friend who is going through a bad time in life. That's different. I'm talking about someone who has made you part of their nightmare and/or neurosis. The current term used for this type of person is "Energy Vampire" It fits nicely.

In the free world, we can choose to keep these bloodsuckers in our lives or not. Gotta love  freedom. And even though we will miss the good times, when you are released from their grasp, you will see the your world differently and you feel better about yourself. Believe me.

Got Dumped? 

Been there. Actually, several times so I kind of consider myself to be an expert in this area. As an adult 'dumpee', I found that following the most emotional of break-ups, a couple of rum & diet cokes really helped with the initial pain. No joke. 

Then came time for introspection. What did I learn? Was I not attractive enough? Too fat? Not smart enough? Too deep? Not deep enough? Not wild and crazy enough? Too wild and crazy? The answer? None of the above applied. I found the answer to this question after I met the man that I would marry at the not-so-tender age of forty.

It turns out that my 'dumpers' were just not right for me. Simple as that. I would have not been happy marrying any one of them - even the ones I thought could be "the one". So, thank-you to all those who dumped me. It was disappointing at the time but I am way OK with your decision today. 

Anyway, I guess my advice about getting dumped is... Move on. 
Painful? Yes. 
Your fault? Probably not.

Life-story: I was 38 when I planned on (and started saving for) moving away to the island of Grenada. My goal was to live the the island lifestyle with my dogs, (Harlan & Betsy) by the time I turned 40. Bracing myself for the potential problem of getting a job and finding a place to stay with two dogs on Grenada I decided to just live one day at a time and carry on with my island plan while living my life in Dallas. I was done with the fairy-tale of settling down with my prince behind a white picket fence and felt confident that everything would work out just fine. And it did. I never did live on Grenada - my prince showed up when I least expected him.

Work

Disappointed about not getting that job or promotion? 

Been there. What I can tell you about that is...Thank God for unanswered prayers. There is a reason for this sort of disappointment and normally it has to do with either your qualifications or the job expectations of your boss. Do you really want to work for someone that doesn't want you? I think not. You would be miserable.

What I have learned about this sort of disappointment is that it's up to you to ride it out with as much grace as you can muster - it might not be a whole hell of a lot - but in the long run, you will be prouder of yourself if you just suck it up and be polite about it all. Congratulate the jerk candidate who got the job and thank the idiots decision makers for their time. Getting all pissy will not give you the job/promotion you wanted and will most definitely impact your opportunities in the future.  

Life

It's what you make it. 

There you have it. In all it's smugness. 

At the risk of sounding all 70's Beatles lyrics, my goal for many years has been to create a life of peace, harmony and love. It's not always been easy but it has always been my goal. 

Early on in my adulthood, I found out (through a series of disappointments) that I had the ability to make choices that seriously impacted my life. As a single, childless person I could choose to ...

• not allow myself to be surrounded by nasty people. 
• remove myself from people/situations where I would feel uncomfortable.
• look for good people and cultivate friendships with them.
• forgive those who have hurt me.
• create a peaceful home environment.
• get a dog.  
• forgive myself for the past.
• plan for the future. 
• live each day in the present.

Whoa. I was sort of  'in-control'.


I learned that when I chose to separate myself from negative influences, my life took a positive turn. When I decided to drink only moderately, I didn't do or say stupid shit. When I got a dog, I had someone who needed me. When I forgave myself, I could get on with my life.

There you have it - my first real advice column. Let me know if you would like more.

Chaos

Chaos. It all started with Sandra Bullock and Jesse James...

Since then, I have had several girlfriends come to me with relationship issues, anxiety reactions and/or feelings of depression. 

It seems to me that a little 'universe shift' is underway and I feel a need to address it...

Now, don't get me wrong - I'm no 'Oprah' but there are a few things that I know for sure...

- When in doubt, ask yourself... "Am I better with or without him (...her, it)?"

- Taking prescribed antidepressants does not mean that you are crazy.

- Creating a 'vision' for your future can create a self-fufilling prophecy.

- Forgive yourself for past mistakes. "When you know better, you do better." Maya Angelou

- Make a conscious effort to encourage good people to come into your life and actively encourage      negative people to leave it.

- Be nice. "Niceness does not equal stupidity" (or something along those lines). Cher

- When you hear the wind whispering through the leaves of the trees, feel embraced by your friends    and family who have passed away.

- At the onset of an anxiety attack, try inhaling through your nose, to the count of..."one, one      thousand /two, one thousand/three, one thousand/four, one thousand" and then exhaling through pursed lips to the count of ..."one, one thousand/two, one thousand/three, one thousand/four, one thousand. Do this 4 or five times. This exercise helps to prevent full-blown panic attacks. It really works. Been there.

- Snapping a rubber band on your wrist is a helpful way to stop obsessing about things you cannot control before you let your mind get out of control..

- Reach out and help somebody out, anybody. A simple phone call to somebody who doesn't get a lot of phone calls would do the trick. It will take your mind off of things.

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Dear Oprah,

Dear Oprah,
It comes as no surprise to me that your show will be nothing but an archive in 2011 and you have kept us well informed of your plans but it is just killing me that you are leaving the show.

Needless to say, I guess I have been in denial these past few months since I heard of your decision and yes, I admit to experiencing a little anticipatory grief so I would like to take this opportunity to bid you "farewell".


Little did you know that our friendship began back in the mid-eighties when you encouraged women to "puh-lease put your bras back on!" (at last - the voice of reason) and had us to 'look within' and make peace with ourselves.

For over the past twenty years, we struggled with our bad hair days, our weight, our pasts, our good and bad relationships. You introduced me to my "Inner Child" and educated me on topics that spanned the widest of  spectrums - from racism to thread counts. You allowed me to share friendships with Gail and Nate. You encouraged me to start reading books again and step outside of my 'comfort zone' (I must say that I didn't quite 'get' Eckhart Tolle but maybe I'm not quite 'there' yet) -  I loved "The Pillars of The Earth", "The Help" and "Edgar Sawtelle". You taught me about creating my 'vision' for life and about allowing myself to listen to what the universe is telling me. Most importantly, you taught me to forgive myself by quoting your friend Maya Angelou ..."When you know better, you do better". That quote has become my mantra. Your presence in my life has been enriching and I am a better person because of you and for that I will always be grateful.

Thanks Oprah.


Your BFF, 
Joan